DIRECTOR: Gareth ‘Godzilla’ Edwards

CAST: Stephen Hawkin’s wife, Ip Man, Idi Amin, Hannibal, the voice of Mufasa (standard).


Little girl runs away after her mother gets killed and her dad is forced to help build the death star for the Empire, though now it’s probably merely called something like ‘our big badass weapon’. She grows up to be a rebel, not an official ‘we fight against the empire’ rebel but the type that argues a lot, fights people and the like.

By hook or by crook, she ends up with the ‘real’ rebellion, goes to see the guy who brought her up (before leaving her) where she receives a message (from a rogue pilot) that her dad is alive and well, built a death star and on top of that, made a flaw in it so it can be blown the fuck up.

So, our little rebel goes back to the official rebels and says “hey, we need to go over to that random planet that looks like the Bahamas, go to war and steal their plans” and they’re like “no way man, that’ll be like really stupid cos we’ll all die and shit”.

In the end, some go and some do not and those who fight ends up doing a bang up job, the rest of the rebellion gets wind of this ‘rogue’ group’s success and thinks “yeah, fuck it, let’s help”, and with the help of Red Leader (damn straight), they steal the Death Star plans, get them to safety which sets us up lovely for 1977.


They say “hope” a lot.

INSPIRED BY: Something far far away

WILL INSPIRE: More prequel/spin offs. Including a stand-alone Han Solo movie.

MORAL: Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things. (Dufresne 19 Sixty something)



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