ALIEN

DIRECTOR: Ridley Scott

CAST: Sigourney Weaver, John Hurt, Tom Skerritt

PLOT: The crew aboard the spaceship ‘Nostromo’ are directed to a random planet from which they receive what looks like a stress call. The planet is dusty and windy as shitting hell which, in turn fucks up the ship. While some of the crew fix the ship, John Hurt gets face fucked by an alien specie and is suitably unconscious. Ripley (Weaver) doesn’t want them back on the ship, but is over-ridden which, in turn is probably a poor idea. Scrap that, it’s a poor idea.

A little time later, the alien thing detaches itself from John Hurt’s face and promptly dies, unlike Hurt who wakes up and feels fine. At least until dinner, when a little hideous alien baby bursts out of his chest. His fucking chest!!!

The ship’s crew scour the ship in a quest to find the alien, which subsequently gets big and bastard scary. In turn, each member of the crew gets picked off horrendously until Ripley is left to sort this shit out for herself, which she does. Sort of.

Oh and the crew had a cat, who also survives. Which is a relief.

CRITICAL ANALYSIS: Now being a child of the 90’s, I’ve had to witness the rise of many stupid fads (spokey dokeys and bermuda shorts to name but a few) and terms. One of which was ‘Girl Power’, most noticeably used by girl group ‘The Spice Girls’. Now I had issues with the Spice Girls, mainly due to the fact the Geri Halliwell came across as an obnoxious egotistical dick, but also because of this term ‘girl power’. Now don’t get me wrong, empowering a generation of soon to be women in a still male dominated world is nothing but positive, but let’s get this into perspective.

The Spice Girls were a music group, they sang, and shouted a lot. Ellen Ripley contended with severe emotional trauma while fending off and ultimately dispatching a huge motherfucking man-eating alien. Now that’s girl power twat-heads! That’s girl fucking power!

MORAL: Advanced technology is a wonderful thing, but inevitably will bite us in the ass. So approach with caution and my god, don’t trust it with your life!

INSPIRED: E.T

REASON TO WATCH: Because it’s ALIEN. If you haven’t seen it, liked PROMETHIUS and can’t figure out why some don’t like it. It’s because it’s not ALIEN!

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